The triggers for the impulse to listen to music in the past seven days were: when making coffee, while biking, during video rendering breaks, and many moments of feeling sad, because the software had been uninstalled and there was nothing to listen to.
But instead of escaping to music, I could escape to books, movies, and podcasts, and I did just that. If music is a parachute, then the latter three are the air cushions on the ground; I have become accustomed to having safety measures during the process of self-struggle.
On the seventh day, I downloaded the music software again. The reason is that my music consumption habits are not bad; music is not just a simple extension of hearing for me, I am someone who listens to music seriously. The only issue with consumption is—overconsumption.
During a week of withdrawal, I heard many of my own voices, and there was no music to cover up the music anymore. In this state, while communicating with the outside world, I found that the sounds in public places, especially music, were not as intolerable as I thought; on one hand, it was a reconciliation with the artistic nature of the music I value, and on the other hand, it was a reconciliation with music consumption.
The former is the current demand for that person, while the latter is letting go of my own demands. It is important to clarify that music is important to me, not a dependency. Without music, my ears would deteriorate; I think I am the type whose ears would deteriorate.
On a side note, I discovered that I am the type who thinks with my mouth. There are too many voices in my head, and the more I think about something, the more it diverges. It’s not suitable for writing either; I can’t help but modify, format, and change words and sentences while writing, then forget what I originally wanted to say, and Markdown can’t save that. But speaking is different; vague thoughts can become smoother the more they are spoken, especially knowing that this will be recorded; it will be a confession, and during a confession, one does not want to hide anything.